What would you give to keep only the best bits of your past?

As life continues to pose problems for Donna, her dreams continue to guide her to act in her best interests and to make peace with her past.

Thoughts of holidays and family made Donna's heart sink
As 2009 came to an end, Donna was struggling with the lack of motivation she felt at the thought of the same old Christmas and New Year rituals with family members. She didn't want to go through these meaningless experiences just to feel part of a family.

Donna wanted to shake things up and have more choice in how the holiday time was spent. She also wanted to get away from pretending to feel grateful for whatever her parents had planned. Her desire to make some choices of her own and do things her way made her antsy. How was she going to organize it without upsetting the apple cart?

Donna is caught between keeping the old and wanting something new
There was also the complicating factor of an upcoming loss of her family home. Her parents were selling it and moving to a smaller place with no room for visitors. Donna was caught between wanting to enjoy the family home before it was gone forever, and her wish to celebrate the holidays in a wildly different manner.

A dream gives Donna her wish - something old and something new
Then came the dream that helped her with her conflict. Donna dreamed that she was walking into her family home and into her old bedroom. There was a huge box in there. When she opened it she found some old clothes, jewelry, candy, books, scarves and pizza pieces. She began to sift through the items and pick out what she wanted to keep. She found pieces of pizza and candy that looked edible. She discovered some retro jewelry that she had loved and some clothes that she had bought to go with her unusual and precious jewelry pieces. The rest of the stuff seemed stale, and not part of her any longer. She felt a sense of peace and comfort at finding these things that she had forgotten about.


Donna gets to select from her past and make new relationships out of them
Donna's dream gave her the opportunity to go back into her childhood and retrieve things that were important and meaningful, like the pizza and candy she had never been allowed to eat. Now she could give herself permission to eat it without worrying about being judged and ridiculed about her weight. Now she could dress as she pleased rather than please her mother. Now she didn't have to put her choices and desires on hold.

The wounds of the past are fashioned into fresh connections of equality
Just as she went back to her childhood room in her dream, the message to Donna was to do so in real life before the family home was sold. Donna was being encouraged to go back, take the memories she wanted, bury the ones she no longer needed to hold onto, and create new ones over the holidays. She was being shown that she had a choice in how to remember her past by digging through the box of painful childhood and adolescence and closing the wounds that still had the power to sting.

Fear of loss is transformed into more meaningful family life
Donna used her dream to great advantage. She took the lead and invited each family member to do something with her that was unique and special. That old ways were being buried in the box of the past. Donna was going to create new connections, having the courage and entitlement to eat what she wanted, wear what she liked and be what she felt was true to herself. She also returned to her old room and collected things that she wanted to keep including family photographs and her art work that she was now ready to reacquaint herself with again.

Donna was energized by the message of her dream. Instead of feeling sad about the loss of the family house, she let it go with her bad and sad memories. She decided to build new memories with her parents as they transitioned to their new home. Donna realized she could establish new and more equal connections with her folks as she was no longer bound and trapped by the rigid roles of the past that the house represented.

Donna's dream sets her free and in charge of her emotional life
In 2010 Donna emerged with new convictions about her right and freedom to have the type of relationships she wanted to have with her family. She makes the suggestions about where they will meet and what activities they will share. She wears the bits of the past that are meaningful and creates new webs of interaction that make her feel good about herself. She remains surprised as to how readily her family have responded to her taking charge!

Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

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Can Your Dream Help You Lose Weight?

Here is the next installment in Donna's journey helped by her dreams.

Donna weight feels like a repulsive birthmark!
Donna's struggle with her weight never ends. She always thinks of herself as fat and ugly. Whatever she does to control it never lasts and she is left feeling worse than ever before. When things are going badly for her she feels even fatter and uglier and just wants to walk away from her disgusting body. At rough times when nothing seems to be going right she feels that this is some punishment that she has to suffer just for being who she is. In fact she thinks it's like a repulsive birthmark that is stamped on her and can never be hidden or got rid of.

Donna's painful memories seemed never ending!
Donna began remembering awful things that happened to her as a child and how she couldn't tell anyone. She had to "stuff it" if she wanted to keep the peace and be allowed to stay with her mother and stepfather. The memories were painful and made her feel dirty and unacceptable.

A long hair dream disturbs Donna
It was during one of these bad times that Donna had a dream where she was pulling out hair from her mouth. The hair strands just went on and on and one. There was no end to it. It felt awful when she woke up.

Dead hair shows Donna her weighty emotional gunk
What does the long long hair coming out of her insides mean? Hair is a dead product. Coming out of her mouth it was Donna's waste. Like the memories of her unhappy childhood, the hair just went on and on. Donna was being given an image of how much gunk she had stored inside her, that was making her fatter than she needed to be. By recalling her childhood and understanding it with me, she was able to get a vision of what her emotional stomach was storing. She got a dream picture of it all coming out, and a jolt as to just how much there was to discover, process and let go of.

Slimness and beauty push out the hair and give Donna hope
Immediately after the hair dream, Donna dreamed that she was in Sweden with a friend, and was putting on weight. She stopped putting on weight when she felt she was just right. Her friend showed Donna pictures of her from a previous time when she was much thinner. Donna was astounded that she could ever have been slim and beautiful.

The second dream gives Donna hope that her wish to be thinner has a basis in reality. The photograph is how she once was before she had to store her wretched childhood experiences as fat. Donna's unconscious healer is giving her an image that she can believe in, showing her the real inner beauty she had lost touch with. She is being told that she can eat and control herself, just as she did in the dream - that she isn't doomed to be fat and ugly. Stopping the eating in the dream when she got to a comfortable size tells her that she can find her ideal weight and stay there.

Choice Replaces the Sense of Being Doomed
Donna is beginning to identify with the part of her that can choose her weight. As she worked on her dreams with me, she gained more confidence in herself as a beautiful person inside and outside. She is having more good moments in her life when she can feel worthwhile and lovable.

Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

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Ever Watched Yourself Explode Into Tiny Pieces in Your Dream?

Why dream of destruction when everything is going so well?
Donna's next dream was really scary. She was watching herself get blown up and bits of her were flying all around. What a way to wake up? It came the night after she got a job doing some interior decorating for a big name company. So why such a nightmare?

You remember Donna who's dream about letting her inner security guard be a little more forgiving? That dream came true when she allowed herself to experience being liked no matter what she looked like. Well this next dream was really showing her how her life was changing.

The dream is full of crashing and burning, but Donna stays peaceful
Donna dreamed that she was driving a plane that looked like a pod, in the dark. It had no wings. She had no idea where she was going. But she wasn't alarmed. Something told her she was going where she needed to go. She felt she could trust the journey. Her plane rose to the top of a hill. She drove the plane down the hill and saw a huge bi- plane crash on top of some orange metal pipes which were shaped in the form of an 'x'. She slammed on the brakes and her pod circled the crashed plane before landing.

Donna and the pod exploded. She watches herself explode. Bits of her jaw and teeth were flung away!

Donna rises from the ashes stronger, more trusting and true to herself
Donna's dream is about her personal journey of growth - full of fire, destruction but also rejuvenation. She came to a make or break point in her life where she needed to slow down and choose a healthy pathway. Her pod reaching the top of the hill was this critical moment. She circles the old parts of her represented by the bi-plane, giving it the last rights. She knows that her old self was the false or 'wrong' her, just as the Orange 'x' shaped pipes indicated. She watches the old false self explode. But she isn't upset.

She sees bits of her teeth and jaw scatter. Teeth and jaws are symbols of determination and will power. In the dream she is giving up her hold on the old ways of her life that brought her little happiness or peace. She doesn't need to die with the old stuff, but to get rid of all the old heavy junk that wasn't very useful. Now that she is rid of the burden of the old ways, she is free to be her real self.

The dream is helping her realize that the interior design job is one of the new things in her life that she created because she dared to trust herself and go with her instincts. It is encouraging and validating.

The first signs of disease or a lowered immune system can be found in the mouth. Unhealthy gums, teeth and tongue are indications that your health is poor. Donna's unhealthy teeth and jaw were ripped from her in this dream. She gets to let her strong permanent teeth come through and thrive in a mouth that is clean, and smells good. Tune in to her next few dreams to learn how she decided to be healthy, wealthy and wise.

Donna's relationships were not satisfying because of the negative way she perceived herself.
Find out how your relationship style impacts your connections at http://drjeanetteraymond.com/how_likely_you_are/

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Donna's dream about the security guard comes true

Do you remember Donna and her dream about a security guard? Donna was torn between looking good and being smart, and the security guard in her dream helped her to see that she could be both smart and good looking.

Three days later the dream came true.
Donna was asked to do an acting part for a commercial. Normally she would have felt ugly, heavy, unattractive and not fit for the role. But after her dream she allowed her fellow actor to put his arm around her without thinking that she was disgusting to him. She didn't go through her usual checklist of all the reasons why she shouldn't be hired, and that she was only being used to make a point about fat people.

Donna is comfortable with herself and shines
Behaving as a balanced security guard she was able to feel good in her own skin. Donna was in the moment and enjoying the job. She was relaxed, had fun and saw that no one was making fun or her, no one was making her out to be stupid, or putting her in any category. Donna saw herself as the others saw her - smart and sexy, funny and serious, hard working and willing to take risks.

Donna learns to be natural and it works!
Donna's dream about the security guard made her ready for this experience. It showed her that she can trust people's view of her and be the wonderful talented person that she was. Without having the dream and working on it with me, Donna might well have blown the whole thing!

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Do Your Actions Come Back To Bite You?

Self-Confidence or Power Trip?
Lucas was clear about his criteria for success - managing everything by himself. Asking for help was a failure and a sign of weakness. He was determined never to let other people have power over him by needing their help or advice. That meant becoming a machine that could tackle anything without feelings getting in the way. He wanted to prove he wasn't scared of anything or anyone.

Revenge Gives Lucas a Sense of Power
He fantasized about sticking it to his old school mates who made fun of his efforts to shoot during their hunting trips. Lucas had been afraid of guns and didn't want to show that he didn't approve of killing animals for sport. Now he felt like he could "kill" anything! He woke up most mornings telling the world to "bring it on!"

The Dream Brings Lucas Back to Earth
A dream woke Lucas one morning that shattered his sense of confidence. He dreamed that he was out skeet shooting. There were lots of other people around watching. People from his past life, family, friends, and school mates. He shot at a can, the gun sprang back and hurt him in the face. It turned back and bit him!!

Bravado Backfires and Turns to Self-destruction
Lucas's dream was a wake up call that he had gone too far in his efforts to feel in control and powerful. Lucas wanted to show off in front of all the people in his life - all those who had mocked his fear of guns, who had ribbed him unmercifully. The dream showed Lucas that he had become just like them, interested in the kill to display his prowess. He was using his power to feel superior and denegrate others rather than to make his life meaningful and satisfying.

Sabotaging Power or Care Taking Power?
Lucas got a visceral punch when the gun spring backfired and hit him in the face - the one part of him that interacts with the world. He was given the message that his determination to go it alone, pretend he could manage without the normal give and take in relationships was not in his best interests. Lucas was in fact sabotaging himself. He was hurting himself by ignoring his need for compassion, collaboration, team work, love and understanding. His dream showed him just how destructive a path he had chosen. He was in grave danger of killing off all the good healthy parts of himself just to satisfy his ego.

Using The Dream Message Profitably
Lucas worked with me on this dream. We discovered that he didn't know the difference between power to hurt and power to stick up for yourself. He began to develop and appreciate the power of his personality, his compassion, his loyalty, his sense of right and wrong. Lucas didn't need to fight with other people to prove his manliness or to warn people not to mess with him. Lucas realized that not everyone in the world was out to screw him, and that he had ample capacity to protect himself using his sense of worth and the right to be treated respectfully.

Lucas was lucky to have the dream and work out what it meant in his work with me. Lucas is now able to consider his choice of action when he feels mocked or made fun of. He asks himself whether his response is an act of bravado likely to recoil back on himself, just like the spring of the gun in his dream, or whether it is an act of self-respect and growth.

Stay tuned for more about Lucas and his personal growth through his dreams

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph. D.

What'sYour Inner Security Guard Up To?

Donna's last dream helped her deal with a conflict regarding her relationship with her father. As she continues her personal journey she was faced with a new problem.

How could she look good and hang on to her intelligence, confidence and ability to make good decisions?

It bothered her that she couldn't loose weight and look good because it would mean telling the world that she was just an object. Women who looked good seemed like a hollow shell, where the outside looked good but with nothing of substance inside. If she stayed like she was and focused only on her smarts, she would end up lonely and sad. People would only want her for her intellect. Quite a dilemma.

Dream to the rescue
As she struggled with this awful choice Donna dreamed that she lived in a beautiful stylish apartment building that had excellent security. She saw a young blond good looking woman approach the security desk claiming to be Donna. But Donna was already in her own apartment! She watched the security guard allow the impostor in without checking the records. Donna showed her anger to the security guard who didn't know what she was doing wrong. Donna was furious that this bone headed security guard would be so lax. She was even more furious that the security guard had no concern about not doing a good job.

How Donna's Dream Helped Her With Her Difficult Choice
As we talked about the dream we discovered that Donna had a very vigilant security guard inside her psyche. Her security guard kept her appearance and intelligence separate in order to protect her from getting hurt and feeling bad about herself. Going with the looks was a big risk of getting guys who just hit on her, so it was safer to stress her brainy side. If they just wanted her intellect she would never raise her hopes about being wanted for her physical appearance.

The Dream Removed The Need To Choose
Donna was paying too big a price for this separation. Her security guard was too good. So her dream showed her that it was okay to be less rigid. It was fine for her to give space to her need to look appealing and to her smart brain. The dream took away the burden of having to choose. She was being given permission by her own internal healer via the dream that it was safe to meld these two strangers and make them a whole person.

Two weeks later Donna attended a party where she was showing some of her creative works. For the first time ever, she didn't hate her looks and didn't imagine that everyone was judging her badly. She allowed herself to take in the praise and compliments of her family and friends. Both parts of her were given equal weight and by thinking of herself as a whole person, she invited others to do likewise.

Donna Enjoys Better Relationships and is More Comfortable With Herself
Now Donna doesn't have to worry about whether she is attractive OR smart and which part of her she should show the world. She has both, and as she gets more comfortable with them at the same table, she will get have more satisfying relationships. She is more in touch with her internal security guard who can use her good judgement as to when it necessary to be extra vigilant and when it is safe to be less rigid. Donna's new found flexibility makes her more open to good things.

Should Donna Give Up Or Keep Trying ?

Donna's Dilemma
Donna was heartbroken that all the time and energy she had devoted to building a relationship with her father seemed to end in tatters. Now she was angry and no longer willing to do anything to please him, just to stay on his radar.

She didn't want to lose him completely either. She had a dilemma that troubled her. Should she give up on him and move on with her life, or should she just see him occasionally and keep her feelings to herself?

Donna's Body reacts To The Stress
A week ago they had fallen out. Donna's feelings were a mess. One part of her wanted to sever the ties altogether and punish him, while another part of her longed for the dad she always hoped to have, the kind of dad her best friend enjoyed. Her feelings were so chaotic that she broke out in a rash, all over her chest and arms, her face and neck. The rash expressed her conflict, the red raw anger that she didn't know what to do with.

A Dream Comes To Help Donna Solve Her Dilemma
The night before she was to meet her father after their last blow out, Donna dreamt that she bought tons of wax and removed all the hair from her legs, arms and other places. It didn't hurt and it felt good. The wax was warm, like honey and comforting. It came off without stinging her, making her feel strong.

What Message Is The Dream Giving To Donna?
Body hair is a protective shield. It protects against the cold, and shields the skin from the sun, preventing dehydration and wrinkles. So in her dream Donna was able to remove that protective layer without feeling any sting or pain. She was being shown that she was strong enough to stand up to her father's stinging remarks, and coldness. She didn't need to protect herself against him. Nor did she need to protect her father from her rage, disappointment, and hurt.

Making Use of Her Dream
The meeting with her father was not as bad as she had imagined. Donna was able to express some of her feelings without fear of losing her father for good. He didn't walk away or shut her up. Donna's dream gave her a wonderful image of strength and power, that no longer had to be a solid ball of anger inside her. Like the wax in her dream, it melted and with it took away the fears that had chained her for so long.

Now she has a better chance of having a more honest relationship with her father, on her own terms.





Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.