Should Donna Give Up Or Keep Trying ?

Donna's Dilemma
Donna was heartbroken that all the time and energy she had devoted to building a relationship with her father seemed to end in tatters. Now she was angry and no longer willing to do anything to please him, just to stay on his radar.

She didn't want to lose him completely either. She had a dilemma that troubled her. Should she give up on him and move on with her life, or should she just see him occasionally and keep her feelings to herself?

Donna's Body reacts To The Stress
A week ago they had fallen out. Donna's feelings were a mess. One part of her wanted to sever the ties altogether and punish him, while another part of her longed for the dad she always hoped to have, the kind of dad her best friend enjoyed. Her feelings were so chaotic that she broke out in a rash, all over her chest and arms, her face and neck. The rash expressed her conflict, the red raw anger that she didn't know what to do with.

A Dream Comes To Help Donna Solve Her Dilemma
The night before she was to meet her father after their last blow out, Donna dreamt that she bought tons of wax and removed all the hair from her legs, arms and other places. It didn't hurt and it felt good. The wax was warm, like honey and comforting. It came off without stinging her, making her feel strong.

What Message Is The Dream Giving To Donna?
Body hair is a protective shield. It protects against the cold, and shields the skin from the sun, preventing dehydration and wrinkles. So in her dream Donna was able to remove that protective layer without feeling any sting or pain. She was being shown that she was strong enough to stand up to her father's stinging remarks, and coldness. She didn't need to protect herself against him. Nor did she need to protect her father from her rage, disappointment, and hurt.

Making Use of Her Dream
The meeting with her father was not as bad as she had imagined. Donna was able to express some of her feelings without fear of losing her father for good. He didn't walk away or shut her up. Donna's dream gave her a wonderful image of strength and power, that no longer had to be a solid ball of anger inside her. Like the wax in her dream, it melted and with it took away the fears that had chained her for so long.

Now she has a better chance of having a more honest relationship with her father, on her own terms.





Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Who is the Terrorist in Your life?

Freda the Mother is Scared
The Dream:The men with beards were after her again. Those men were chasing her, brandishing long knives. They were running after Freda and her children. Freda was desperate to protect her children from this bloodthirsty group. She is scared that she is not going to be able to safeguard her children. Powerless against these violent men Freda feels like a bad and inadequate parent.

Shame and Fear Keep The Dream A Secret
Freda had this dream repeatedly for a long period of time. She always woke up scared. She never told anyone about it. It was kind of shameful that she was having nightmares about being a bad parent.

The Dream Images Throw Light on Freda's Fears
Then Freda came to one of my dream workshops. She told me the dream and drew the scary images on a whiteboard. The sketches showed huge sword like knives with large wide sharp blades used to behead people in mythology and ancient history. The men's beards gave them an aura of wisdom but the fierce righteousness and authority of religious elders, where Freda had lived as a child.

Freda the Daughter is Slashed by her Mother's Sharp Tongue
All through Freda's life her mother had criticized her. She continued to criticize Freda's way of bringing up her children, making Freda feel bad. Her mother's words always cut her with their sharpness, like the knives in her dream. Freda began to speak of herself in equally harsh and critical ways. She saw little to love in herself.

The Dream Shows Freda Her Dilemma
Threats of attack in the dream represented the assault that Freda felt from her mother's tongue, breaking down her self-esteem and making her feel inadequate. But now Freda has children of her of her own, and she doesn't want them to have the same experience. She wants to get them away from the cruel demeaning voice of her mother, symbolized by the elderly vicious men in the dream.

The men appeared in her dream to show her that she had taken in her mother's mean tone and made it her own, by always putting herself down.

Standing Up To The Ogre
In her dream Freda never actually got attacked and nor did her children. The message here is that no matter how powerful the men appear to be, she is safe and can stand up to them. By protecting her children in the dream, she was also protecting the part of her that now needed to stand up to the ogre of a mother in real life and the one that lived inside Freda.

Turning the Power Into a Positive Force
Freda had allowed all her power to be invested in her critical voice, that she adopted from her mother, making her feel no good. Her dream came to tell her that she could use that power differently, to make herself feel good, as a human being, a woman, a wife and a daughter.

The Outcome
A year later I bumped into Freda at a coffee shop. She came over to hug me and thanked me profusely for helping her figure out what her dream meant. She said she never had that dream again, and had taken steps to build firmer boundaries with her mother. She felt good about herself and was more in charge of her life. Her inner voice was so much more loving.

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Hostage to Approval From Loved Ones?

Desperate For Dad's Approval
Celia basked in her father’s attention. She had ever since she was a tiny girl. It was all she lived for. One day her father changed. He became self-absorbed, oblivious to the distress he caused his family. Celia spent the rest of her childhood trying to bring him back to life. She had lost the privilege to be the apple of her father’s eye.

Maybe He Will Notice My Career
After her divorce she grabbed the opportunity to go back to school and study to be a nurse. It’s what she had always wanted to do and hoped it would impress her father.Her accomplishments felt like failures because they weren’t acknowledged by father.

Celia's Dream
One night she had a dream that confused and disturbed her. In the dream she was in a room sitting at a small square table with a King and Queen. The King was writing. There was a door across from Celia behind the Queen. There was a lot of traffic noise coming from outside the door. Celia shut the door. The King looked up in relief. Celia enjoyed knowing she had pleased him. The queen invited her to visit them more often, but the King did not. She was heartbroken.

Get Real!
Celia had given her father ultimate authority to approve of her and make her happy. His were the only blessings that counted, his the only approval that mattered. She refused to take the reins of life in her own hands.

Dad Gets All the Power
The King in Celia’s dream represented the ultimate in authority and power. She had spent her whole life trying to make him notice her by taking care of his comforts, and in so doing had abandoned herself. By shutting the door in the dream, she was shutting out reality - that there was a big, noisy, world, full of life out there. A world that would be responsive, that would welcome her, where she could find acknowledgment and self-worth. Shutting the door made time stand still. She was forever the little girl trying to get Daddy’s attention, and failing.

Message of Equality and Stability
The square shaped table in the dream has a special significance. A square has four equal sides, representing equality. The message for Celia is that as a grown woman she is an equal to her father. She has the entitlement and the power to control her life and create her happiness. A square table has four legs that enable it to balance, and keep it stable. It is a powerful image of stability and balance. Despite the King (father) being busy, the world isn’t shaking.

Celia Gets To Be The Apple Of Her Own Eye
Celia is encouraged to tune into the loving invitation of the Queen, depicting Celia’s nurturing maternal self that she has ignored up to now. The dream tells her that by responding to the Queen she can feel worthwhile. Celia was shown the futility of trying to be daddy’s special girl again. She was given an alternative, that was so much more fruitful. That was to abandon her wish to go back in time and recapture some magic that was no longer available. She was guided to switch from taking care of her unresponsive father to taking care of herself. Rather than trying to impress dad, Celia was better of being the apple of her own eye.

Read an expanded version of this post.






Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

If Only I Had Listened To My Dream!

SOMETHING SERIOUS IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

Ever had that “if only I had known” feeling? Dreams that come over and over again may be trying to give you a heads up about something serious that is going to happen in your life. Maureen an event organizer for a non-profit agency had been doing the job of eight people for quite some time. She never asked for help despite being constantly overwhelmed. Nor did she seek treatment for the cataracts that were compromising her eye sight. A perplexing dream made her take a couple hours out of her schedule to consult with me.

THE IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATION

In her dream Maureen assisted a man with voter registration. He had to study for a test by 9:00 p.m. that night in order to qualify- an impossible task. He insisted on voting locally although he was planning to go abroad. Maureen felt frustrated with this ridiculous request. Her bosses told her the man could register in the morning if she signed off on his study requirements. She didn’t want to lie and felt trapped by this dilemma.

AT ODDS WITH YOURSELF

The dream precisely depicted Maureen’s conflict. The man in the dream represented the dichotomy within Maureen that she had ignored, the wish to work and the desire to play. She had focused only on work. Her dream came to remind her that both are necessary for wholesome living. The odd number nine suggested something incomplete, and at odds with natural rhythms. The time crunch in the dream was a wake up call urging Maureen to stop ‘signing off’ on her one track path in life. She needed to ‘register’ this challenge and cast her vote for a balanced existence, before her cataracts blinded her to the joys of a full life.

HOW MUCH WORSE DOES IT HAVE TO GET

Maureen was moved by the analysis of her dream. She seemed intent on change, but she ignored her dream yet again. A few weeks later I learned that she had become ill and was forced to stop working. How much more drastic will the consequences have to be before she pays attention?

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

WHY WASTE YOUR DREAM MESSAGE?

Join a Dream Group, share your dreams with relatives and friends, consult a therapist who specializes in dreams and art representing dreams.

RESOURCE: Paint Your Pain Away, is for anyone who has the desire to use art as one tool to help with the healing process. Find your creative expression, and tap into your intuition to bring you inner allignment. Turbulent feelings often arise as you explore your depths through art. Consult with an experienced psychotherapist to help you manage and gain the benefit of your emotional experience. For more information contact Grace Comisso info@paintyourpainaway.com.

Not That Same Dream Again!

Why Won't This Dream Get Lost?

Do you wake up puzzled by the same weird dream over and over again? Does the dream seems to come out of the blue, unrelated to your current circumstances and make no sense at all? Are you left with lingering images and sensations that interfere with your mood? Recurrent dreams can be quite disturbing. They are powerful messages from your unconscious urging you to pay attention to some aspect of your life that can no longer be ignored.


Unfinished Business

Thirty-six year old Brandon’s life began , the day he got his realtors license three years ago. Everything in life was wonderful except for this strange dream that kept interfering with his happiness. In the dreams he was back at the dental clinic subbing during staff shortages. Brandon couldn’t understand why he was dreaming about a job he hated, never gave a second thought to, and had run away from to become a realtor.


Solving The Mystery
Unsettled by the persistent regularity of this unwelcome dream, Brandon consulted me on this mystery. We discovered that Brandon had some unfinished business back in that clinic. Brandon choked up as he recalled leaving abruptly, without any marker of this huge transition. This was the first time he felt the wrench that he had anesthetized himself against for so long. He had walked away from his title as a doctor of dentistry, become estranged from his colleagues who had been like family, and given up working with his hands, a skill he had honed to perfection. He had treated these aspects of himself as if they were irritating particles of flaky skin.


Dealing With The Issue
After his surprise emotional reaction to the sharing of the dream, Brandon returned to the clinic. He found the corpse of his previous life, and gave it a decent burial with all the funeral rites it deserved. He celebrated the dead person rather than pretend it had never lived. Now he was free to return to the land of the living. The dream had done it’s job. It never returned.








Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Is Your Dream About Being Lost The Same As My Dream About Being Lost?

Tiffany's Dream. Tall, slim and friendly Tiffany had a busy life with her charities and community work. She had good friends and was involved with helping her neighbors. She was in the third quarter of her life which seemed to be going well. There was nothing particular she wanted to do, no special ambition or dream to fulfill. Regrets were few and far between. She was puzzled that she would dream over and over again about being lost. In her dream she would set out on foot and then all of a sudden feel completely lost. She could hear the traffic on the freeway and see roads around her, but she didn't have a clue where she was or where she was supposed to be going. There was no resolution in the dreams, and she woke up feeling confused.

Marsha's Dream. An articulate and forceful personality Marsha, also in her golden years knew exactly where she wanted to go, and made every effort to get there in life. Her constant and frustrating dream involved trying to get to a specific place in the city at night. The darkness was countered by street lights. Each time Marsha saw a door or a corner of the street that appeared to be a sign post for the pathway towards her destination, she would rush to get there, feeling energized that she was on the right road. But as soon as she reached the corner she would realize that it was not the right one, and feel lost.

Both ladies were on journeys and both experienced a sense of being lost. What do these dreams want to tell the dreamers?

Tiffany's focus on other people is fulfilling to some extent. Enough to make her life reasonably comfortable. But she has not asked herself what her purpose in life is. She has not discovered where her journey is to take her, and what path she should follow to get there. As her life is coming into it's final phase, Tiffany's dream is begging her to search inside herself for something to complete her as a person. It is inviting her to stop focusing all her energies on other people as that is merely an avoidance of herself. That is why in her dream she doesn't know where she is going, and feels lost. She has LOST herself. She is being given a big hint to find herself and take one of the roads towards her life's purpose to bring true meaning into it. Whether it is a freeway to fast track her journey, or get back on the right road while on foot, she needs to find out what she is here on earth to be and do before it is too late.


Marsha on the other hand knows exactly what she wants and knows precisely where to get it. Or she thinks she does!! The darkness of night in her dream suggests she is not looking at the objects of her desire with a clear lens. She gets false signals and she gets her hopes up, only to find them dashed. Marsha idealizes the things she wants. They become much grander in her mind than they really are, and she is badly let down when the promise isn't delivered. Her dream is telling her to see more clearly, to use the daylight of reason, rather than the darkness of her ideals which skew the reality.

Marsha's frustration that her expectations are not met is due to her wanting something unreal, something perfect. Her patient and returning dream reminds her to balance her ideals with reality so that she will not be so disappointed and actually feel like she is getting something useful. Marsha has LOST her earth wire, the one that grounds the energy when you put on the switch. She will either explode with anger and disappointment or keep being frustrated if she doesn't begin to see things the way they really are and enjoy them accordingly.

So two dreams about being lost have two very different meanings for the dreamers. Yet both women are 'lost'. Tiffany is lost because she has never examined herself and discovered the purpose of her life. Marsha is lost because she she is trying to find something that doesn't exist.

COPYRIGHT JEANETTE RAYMOND, Ph.D.

What Story is Your Biography Going to Tell?

Living Vicariously
Cyrus groaned as he marked his 8th grade students Social Studies test papers. He felt worn out and turned on the television. The suspense of American Idol thrilled him for a few exhilarating seconds before he gave into the nagging voice of duty. He got up to prepare for classes tomorrow and strangled his brief vicarious encounter with show business.

The Day of Judgement
That night Cyrus had the same dream that had visited him often over the past few years. In the dream he was about to take a test to get his Masters Degree in history. There was a large book with tiny print that he should have studied, but Cyrus had never opened it, and now his day of judgment had arrived. He woke up from the dream with his heart pounding and a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach - just as he had on previous occasions when this dream pierced his moment of awakening. He trudged through the day pushing the remnants of this raw sensation out of his mind.

Unfulfilled Hopes and Ambitions
Cyrus wanted to be an actor and dancer but never took classes or tried out at auditions. He choked off his fantasies with the safety of teaching and the respectable duties of parenthood. Any whiff of longing was smothered with blankets of defeatist comments choking off the air supply. Cyrus’s dream returned several times to remind him of his true yearnings. How would he feel when it came time to read his personal history? When his final exam rated him on whether he had honored his authentic self, what grade would he get? Cyrus’s persistent dream begged him to proof read the manuscript of his life to date before it went into print. Finding a way to be involved with the performing arts would be like editing the content of his biography. What a celebration awaits him as he is awarded his ‘degree’ - that of ‘mastering’ his journey through life without regrets.


Will Cyrus take notice of his powerful dream? What do you think?

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.