Hostage to Approval From Loved Ones?

Desperate For Dad's Approval
Celia basked in her father’s attention. She had ever since she was a tiny girl. It was all she lived for. One day her father changed. He became self-absorbed, oblivious to the distress he caused his family. Celia spent the rest of her childhood trying to bring him back to life. She had lost the privilege to be the apple of her father’s eye.

Maybe He Will Notice My Career
After her divorce she grabbed the opportunity to go back to school and study to be a nurse. It’s what she had always wanted to do and hoped it would impress her father.Her accomplishments felt like failures because they weren’t acknowledged by father.

Celia's Dream
One night she had a dream that confused and disturbed her. In the dream she was in a room sitting at a small square table with a King and Queen. The King was writing. There was a door across from Celia behind the Queen. There was a lot of traffic noise coming from outside the door. Celia shut the door. The King looked up in relief. Celia enjoyed knowing she had pleased him. The queen invited her to visit them more often, but the King did not. She was heartbroken.

Get Real!
Celia had given her father ultimate authority to approve of her and make her happy. His were the only blessings that counted, his the only approval that mattered. She refused to take the reins of life in her own hands.

Dad Gets All the Power
The King in Celia’s dream represented the ultimate in authority and power. She had spent her whole life trying to make him notice her by taking care of his comforts, and in so doing had abandoned herself. By shutting the door in the dream, she was shutting out reality - that there was a big, noisy, world, full of life out there. A world that would be responsive, that would welcome her, where she could find acknowledgment and self-worth. Shutting the door made time stand still. She was forever the little girl trying to get Daddy’s attention, and failing.

Message of Equality and Stability
The square shaped table in the dream has a special significance. A square has four equal sides, representing equality. The message for Celia is that as a grown woman she is an equal to her father. She has the entitlement and the power to control her life and create her happiness. A square table has four legs that enable it to balance, and keep it stable. It is a powerful image of stability and balance. Despite the King (father) being busy, the world isn’t shaking.

Celia Gets To Be The Apple Of Her Own Eye
Celia is encouraged to tune into the loving invitation of the Queen, depicting Celia’s nurturing maternal self that she has ignored up to now. The dream tells her that by responding to the Queen she can feel worthwhile. Celia was shown the futility of trying to be daddy’s special girl again. She was given an alternative, that was so much more fruitful. That was to abandon her wish to go back in time and recapture some magic that was no longer available. She was guided to switch from taking care of her unresponsive father to taking care of herself. Rather than trying to impress dad, Celia was better of being the apple of her own eye.

Read an expanded version of this post.






Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

If Only I Had Listened To My Dream!

SOMETHING SERIOUS IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

Ever had that “if only I had known” feeling? Dreams that come over and over again may be trying to give you a heads up about something serious that is going to happen in your life. Maureen an event organizer for a non-profit agency had been doing the job of eight people for quite some time. She never asked for help despite being constantly overwhelmed. Nor did she seek treatment for the cataracts that were compromising her eye sight. A perplexing dream made her take a couple hours out of her schedule to consult with me.

THE IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATION

In her dream Maureen assisted a man with voter registration. He had to study for a test by 9:00 p.m. that night in order to qualify- an impossible task. He insisted on voting locally although he was planning to go abroad. Maureen felt frustrated with this ridiculous request. Her bosses told her the man could register in the morning if she signed off on his study requirements. She didn’t want to lie and felt trapped by this dilemma.

AT ODDS WITH YOURSELF

The dream precisely depicted Maureen’s conflict. The man in the dream represented the dichotomy within Maureen that she had ignored, the wish to work and the desire to play. She had focused only on work. Her dream came to remind her that both are necessary for wholesome living. The odd number nine suggested something incomplete, and at odds with natural rhythms. The time crunch in the dream was a wake up call urging Maureen to stop ‘signing off’ on her one track path in life. She needed to ‘register’ this challenge and cast her vote for a balanced existence, before her cataracts blinded her to the joys of a full life.

HOW MUCH WORSE DOES IT HAVE TO GET

Maureen was moved by the analysis of her dream. She seemed intent on change, but she ignored her dream yet again. A few weeks later I learned that she had become ill and was forced to stop working. How much more drastic will the consequences have to be before she pays attention?

Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

WHY WASTE YOUR DREAM MESSAGE?

Join a Dream Group, share your dreams with relatives and friends, consult a therapist who specializes in dreams and art representing dreams.

RESOURCE: Paint Your Pain Away, is for anyone who has the desire to use art as one tool to help with the healing process. Find your creative expression, and tap into your intuition to bring you inner allignment. Turbulent feelings often arise as you explore your depths through art. Consult with an experienced psychotherapist to help you manage and gain the benefit of your emotional experience. For more information contact Grace Comisso info@paintyourpainaway.com.

Not That Same Dream Again!

Why Won't This Dream Get Lost?

Do you wake up puzzled by the same weird dream over and over again? Does the dream seems to come out of the blue, unrelated to your current circumstances and make no sense at all? Are you left with lingering images and sensations that interfere with your mood? Recurrent dreams can be quite disturbing. They are powerful messages from your unconscious urging you to pay attention to some aspect of your life that can no longer be ignored.


Unfinished Business

Thirty-six year old Brandon’s life began , the day he got his realtors license three years ago. Everything in life was wonderful except for this strange dream that kept interfering with his happiness. In the dreams he was back at the dental clinic subbing during staff shortages. Brandon couldn’t understand why he was dreaming about a job he hated, never gave a second thought to, and had run away from to become a realtor.


Solving The Mystery
Unsettled by the persistent regularity of this unwelcome dream, Brandon consulted me on this mystery. We discovered that Brandon had some unfinished business back in that clinic. Brandon choked up as he recalled leaving abruptly, without any marker of this huge transition. This was the first time he felt the wrench that he had anesthetized himself against for so long. He had walked away from his title as a doctor of dentistry, become estranged from his colleagues who had been like family, and given up working with his hands, a skill he had honed to perfection. He had treated these aspects of himself as if they were irritating particles of flaky skin.


Dealing With The Issue
After his surprise emotional reaction to the sharing of the dream, Brandon returned to the clinic. He found the corpse of his previous life, and gave it a decent burial with all the funeral rites it deserved. He celebrated the dead person rather than pretend it had never lived. Now he was free to return to the land of the living. The dream had done it’s job. It never returned.








Copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Is Your Dream About Being Lost The Same As My Dream About Being Lost?

Tiffany's Dream. Tall, slim and friendly Tiffany had a busy life with her charities and community work. She had good friends and was involved with helping her neighbors. She was in the third quarter of her life which seemed to be going well. There was nothing particular she wanted to do, no special ambition or dream to fulfill. Regrets were few and far between. She was puzzled that she would dream over and over again about being lost. In her dream she would set out on foot and then all of a sudden feel completely lost. She could hear the traffic on the freeway and see roads around her, but she didn't have a clue where she was or where she was supposed to be going. There was no resolution in the dreams, and she woke up feeling confused.

Marsha's Dream. An articulate and forceful personality Marsha, also in her golden years knew exactly where she wanted to go, and made every effort to get there in life. Her constant and frustrating dream involved trying to get to a specific place in the city at night. The darkness was countered by street lights. Each time Marsha saw a door or a corner of the street that appeared to be a sign post for the pathway towards her destination, she would rush to get there, feeling energized that she was on the right road. But as soon as she reached the corner she would realize that it was not the right one, and feel lost.

Both ladies were on journeys and both experienced a sense of being lost. What do these dreams want to tell the dreamers?

Tiffany's focus on other people is fulfilling to some extent. Enough to make her life reasonably comfortable. But she has not asked herself what her purpose in life is. She has not discovered where her journey is to take her, and what path she should follow to get there. As her life is coming into it's final phase, Tiffany's dream is begging her to search inside herself for something to complete her as a person. It is inviting her to stop focusing all her energies on other people as that is merely an avoidance of herself. That is why in her dream she doesn't know where she is going, and feels lost. She has LOST herself. She is being given a big hint to find herself and take one of the roads towards her life's purpose to bring true meaning into it. Whether it is a freeway to fast track her journey, or get back on the right road while on foot, she needs to find out what she is here on earth to be and do before it is too late.


Marsha on the other hand knows exactly what she wants and knows precisely where to get it. Or she thinks she does!! The darkness of night in her dream suggests she is not looking at the objects of her desire with a clear lens. She gets false signals and she gets her hopes up, only to find them dashed. Marsha idealizes the things she wants. They become much grander in her mind than they really are, and she is badly let down when the promise isn't delivered. Her dream is telling her to see more clearly, to use the daylight of reason, rather than the darkness of her ideals which skew the reality.

Marsha's frustration that her expectations are not met is due to her wanting something unreal, something perfect. Her patient and returning dream reminds her to balance her ideals with reality so that she will not be so disappointed and actually feel like she is getting something useful. Marsha has LOST her earth wire, the one that grounds the energy when you put on the switch. She will either explode with anger and disappointment or keep being frustrated if she doesn't begin to see things the way they really are and enjoy them accordingly.

So two dreams about being lost have two very different meanings for the dreamers. Yet both women are 'lost'. Tiffany is lost because she has never examined herself and discovered the purpose of her life. Marsha is lost because she she is trying to find something that doesn't exist.

COPYRIGHT JEANETTE RAYMOND, Ph.D.