Donna is confused by feelings of anger, sadness and resentment
Donna has gone through some major life changes since she worked on her last dream. Her stepmother died after a long illness leaving Donna with a mixed set of emotions. Despite some sadness, there was a lot of rage about this woman stealing her father away from Donna. Not to mention the deep hurt she harbored about her father choosing another woman over his daughter.
It made her feel unlovable. Her mother’s preoccupation with work and other relationships doubled her sense of feeling unwanted and unloved.
Feeling wanted is a strange uncomfortable experience
After the funeral Donna finally told her father about the anger she had been holding in since she was a young child. She was scared that it would ruin the relationship she had with him, and was surprised when it brought them closer. At the same time she noticed that as she shared her feelings with friends and colleagues, they too drew nearer. Guys were showing an interest in her and she couldn’t understand why. What was going on? It scared her. It felt like pressure to keep the relationships operating at this pitch and that was unbearable. Donna drew back. Feeling alone and unloved was familiar and comforting despite the sadness it evoked.
The dream comes to correct her false beliefsThen she had a dream which helped her begin to change the way she thought about herself.
The dream: I am in Canada at a courtyard with my mother trying to find a table. She wanted to tell me that my stepmother had died. It was a secret and I didn’t tell anyone.
This fragment of a dream had a profound impact on Donna as we worked on it together. Donna had made peace with her stepmother before she died. In fact there was a playfulness about their relationship that made Donna feel welcome, cared for and believed in. Donna had never felt that warmth and acceptance coming from her natural parents. She had grieved the loss, so why was she being told about the death again in her dream?
In the dream Donna’s natural mother shares a secret. The secret was probably that Donna was lovable and had been all along. Donna had to keep this information from another part of herself- from the part of her that held onto the belief that she was unlovable - the part that felt pressured and uncomfortable if she thought she was wanted and loved. Telling Donna about the death of her step mother was a reminder of the relationship with her stepmother, where she experienced a sense of being valued and loved.
Donna's dream interpretation helps her hold onto her lovability
The dream analysis came to help Donna hold onto the reality of being loved and wanted despite the passing of her stepmother. The message was clear - you are lovable whether or not your stepmother is here to show it. It’s a quality that exists naturally in you, and you can now own it with pride.
The scene in an open courtyard suggests that Donna can be open and own her lovable nature. The word Canada has the word ‘can’ embedded in it, giving her permission to reclaim her attractive qualities and be desirable and enjoyed. It was time for her to ‘find a table’ - eat and enjoy her sense of self-worth and attractiveness with significant people in her life. Donna’s dream is inviting her to let them know that she wants, deserves and expects them to show their regard for her as she is now doing for herself.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
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